Pristine Beauty

Friday, August 26, 2011

OMG! I THINK I NEED A GIRDLE.....





Seriously....have you ever actually tucked fat into your jeans? Like it was another layer of clothing? Well... that just happened to me and I am so freaked out. Oh, and all you haters out there that know me and are rolling their eyes because I am kinda little and they think I am bananas....it HAPPENED and I didn't like it!!


Let's walk through the experience, OK? I wake up happy as a clam, exercise like I do EVERYDAY, shower and get ready to get dressed. I look at the mountain of jeans in my closet and think "Oh there is a pair I LOVE. I'll wear them"! They're always tight. They're the kind that are meant to be tight and so the expectations are there for a bit of a wiggle and tug. So I am poised and ready...Yep, gottem up over the thighs....still working....thinking to myself "I sweat my a** off everyday so this struggle doesn't have to happen" but it is happening and I don't LIKE IT! ....starting to get hot...feeling beads of sweat forming on my brow...."WHAT IS HAPPENING? It has never been this hard before"! Now the happiness is being stripped from my being with every YANK and TUG. Crazy thoughts are entering my head like "I am a blubber butt.....a big beef cake!"


I have always prided myself on the fact that the one thing I could always count on, even when the thunder thighs were bringing me down, was my tiny waist and here I am actually TUCKING my waist slabs into my jeans. To some it might seem like a bit of exaggeration considering I wear a size 0 but I am telling you something has gone terribly wrong. I think it is time for SPANX....the 2011 GIRDLE! I have seen these and never made the investment because I never felt monstrous before but after this experience those Power Panties are looking pretty darn appealing. I did a little research and little people wear these things too.... like Gweneth Paltrow, Kelly Ripa and Jennifer Lopez!


I was feeling a little better about all this.....I said a little....NOT a lot and before all you people post comments and lecture me on self esteem issues....remember, those that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. That is, we all have been through a situation like this and if you don't mind muffin tops and embrace the fat spillage, well perhaps you should be Sainted and not hanging here with us mere mortals. But I am a mere mortal and it turned out that things were not as bad as they seemed. You see, I forgot I was PMSing.....I was never so happy to know that I would soon be peeing out the bloat and back to my old self again! As the years go by I am well aware things will go south and every other which way and that's why I have a couple pairs of SPANX tucked away and ready to ROLL for my FAT ROLLS!