You know, I look at this photo of Marilyn Monroe and I think: "I love her even more than I did before!". Perhaps the reason why people loved, and still LOVE her (aside from her beauty), was because she wasn't perfect. Yet, like most of us, she desperately wanted to to change herself in order to become someone she thought she needed to be for admiration, adoration and love.
When I was going through treatment (which by the way, was over as of last month - No more Tamoxifen!), I really beat myself up about how I looked. Actually, I am not going to lie...I have ALWAYS done that. The girls hair in front of me in line at the grocery store always looked better. The 88 year old lady in the nursing home legs were always more toned than mine, and walking down the beach in my bikini felt like the earth was shaking as I walked. True, I am a tiny person, but in my head..that darn head...sabotaged things for me and still does. I must admit however that I am MUCH better these days.
It seems that having had cancer has helped my self-esteem a little...sounds freakin WEIRD I know, but it's true. I just passed the 5 year mark in remission from cancer and my Oncologist told me first that I looked awesome (so nice to hear after you have been in early menopause) and that it was time to "plan my life, not my recovery". I thought WOW...I am ahead of the game because after my diagnosis I didn't really "plan" anything...I LIVED; which I am doing now and will continue to do forever. NO choice. Please don't get me wrong, I plan what hotel I will stay at, when to get an oil change and what I will wear to my next demo at Whole Foods, but I don't obsess about things anymore. So what if there is a new and improved dimple on my thigh, or find a cute crazy hair on my chin (YUCK...can't believe I just said that), or someone just called me MA'AM...DAMNIT! It's OK, it's life and it's ALL GOOD!
*Marilyn and I...we're not perfect...and lately I was hard pressed to find anyone who was:)))